January 17, 2008 | Mama Smith

welcome home

Matthew snapped a shot of the kind welcome home gift I left for him at our back door. I know he had to have missed the lovely fragrance of our children’s morning dump while he was gone on a men’s retreat during the first part of this week. Yes, I know, I am very thoughtful.

Pa-ffew (as Brighton has resorted to calling him at times…still he prefers Matthew for whatever odd reason, but sometimes he starts with Papa and realizes the mistake he’s making, attempting to switch to Matthew mid-word) missed out on a very exciting three days. As most of you moms will agree – all hell tends to break loose when dad leaves.

A mere two hours after Matthew hopped in the car and bid farewell, Brighton, Levi and I head to Whole Foods to stock up on some groceries. After unloading my entire packed cart, Levi begins choking on the cracker I’d fished out of the sample bowl for him. As any panicked mom would do, I quickly grab him out of the cart and begin whacking his back. Unfortunately aiming him directly at our cashier’s computer. Yes, the cracker was unlodged…along with all the milk he’d just consumed and his morning breakfast. All down my shirt, and jeans, and the cashier’s computer. She gasped, with a look of horror in her eyes, as the smelly goo seeped down into the buttons of her keypad.

We all stood there in shock for a brief moment before Brighton’s ear-piercing screams were heard behind me. He had managed to, yet again, pinch his fingers in that stupid car attached to the front of the shopping cart. In the hole I had been telling him the entire shopping trip to quit jamming his fingers in to. I run over to free his hand as the cashier calls over her manager.

I am then asked to put everything back in the cart and switch to another lane so they can sterilize the bodily fluids hazard zone. If it had been anywhere else, they probably would have shamed me into the ground. But thankfully after we got away from the foul-smelling puke, we all came back to our senses and the ladies helped me laugh off the embarrassment of it all.

Though the following two days were not quite as eventful, it was still relieving to have Matthew back on Tuesday evening. If nothing else, to have another party laugh with me about the insanity that often comes from raising two little youngins.

Yet another example of how powerful a tool these children are for me, in helping me over and over have to die to myself, my appearance and my obsessive desire to want to fit life into a box, where all things are under my control and direction. Vomit is most definitely not under my control…or direction.

Sorry Cashier Kelly.