July 21, 2008 | Mama Smith
this means YOU!
Alright people, it’s time to rally the troops. I’ve reached the end of my parenting-skills-rope and am feeling a little overwhelmed with two tasks at hand.
(1) Ridding the house of the frightening pacifier addiction going on and…
(2) also getting B, our almost 3 year old son, to switch from diapers to an actual toilet, relieving me of my daily duties of wiping the increasingly-foul poops off his rear.
The pacifier thing is out of control. We limit it to nap time and bed time but it is a fight to the death to get it away from him after he has arisen. He’s resorted to sneaking into the kitchen and sucking them when I’m occupied elsewhere. Yesterday he had his favorite stuffed animal, Tig-Tig, posed a question for me.
B: Hey Mom, Tig-Tig wants to ask you something.
M: Yes Tig-Tig, what do you need?
B (in a gruffy stuffed tiger voice): Uuh Mama, B want his paffy, okay?
M: Sorry Tig-Tig, you’ll have to tell B he can have his pacifier at night time.
Other manipulative techniques involve a fake yawn and telling me he’s soooo tired. And that he needs his “paffy” to go take a nap.
As the addiction has seemingly become worse, and our life has finally settled some, we feel it’s time to bid adieu to the beloved pacifier. Thankfully L never took to one, so once B survives his paci detox, they’ll be out of the house. For those of you with paci addicts, how did you make the transition??
And the whole potty-training thing. What the heck!? How do you get a totally uninterested participant to part with the easy route – taking a crap in his diaper – in favor of the more involved route – having to actually stop playing when feeling hits, head inside, pull down pants, have pants get stuck, cry because pants won’t come down, pee on self during crying fit, finally sit on pot only to realize there is no pee left, change into new pants and begin process again in 30 minutes.
Some of you may remember the potty obsessed toddler of last year or when little B took his first dump in his potty waaaay back when, last summer. It all seemed to have peaked there. It’s only been downhill since then. B seems to enjoy the luxury of not having to stop his daily routine and being able to just pee and poop whenever and wherever he wants, in that diaper of his.
He does have major issues with constipation, so I understand the whole fear surrounding doing something painful like that while tottering on a cold, uncomfortable toilet seat. But how long can this go on?
So troops, rally yourselves and help me out! This means you, Mr. and Mrs. Lurker. I know you’re out there. Thanks to Matthew’s recently set up minismith analytics (well, not so recent, but who has time to check those things…I have blogs to read, people, not stats!), I know hundreds of you are here every day and I want to hear from YOU! Even if you don’t have kids, I’m sure you have something wise or at least sarcastic to share, like, “Dang, no WONDER I don’t have kids. Good luck with that with that whole mess.”
If you refrain, Brighton just might head off to college with a suitcase of diapers and a paci in his mouth.
( Note to self: Never ever, ever attempt a google search for “adult male in diaper” for the humor of a blog post. It’s just. not. worth. it. Oh my poor innocent eyes )
( Also, note to self: Smooze Pops from Whole Foods are SO freakin’ good. Buy more ASAP. In the meantime, go eat the last one in the box. )
amberleigh said,
Not that I’m there yet, but I’ve been given the following advice on more than 1 occasion: Commit to staying at home all day for like 3 days. Then allow the boy to wear only a t-shirt. This means you have to pay close attention so there’s no “accidents”. I guess knowing that there’s no diaper, or even big boy pants, to catch his pee, helps train them. If you try it let me know how it works.:)
pkr said,
Amy,
I had only one boy to potty train and that was 18 years ago (he’s now 21) and I don’t remember how we did it. It was also suggested to me to let him run around pantless, this seems to be a good way for little boys. We never tried it though. It also might be good to concentrate on potty training and then worry about the paci. I didn’t have that problem with my son, he never wanted it.
Joy Hancock said,
Amy,
Boys in general take their time with potty training. Both my nephews are proof—both of my sisters thought it would go on forever too. One nephew, we discovered, has spastic bladder issues that causes him to need medication. Thankfully my sister looked deeper before accusing him of laziness. He’s 8 years old now and of course is embarrassed when he wets himself—during day time, it often is his own fault for not paying attention to urgency. Poop not an issue, but pee-ing is. If it wasn’t for the bladder issues, I’m pretty sure he’d be out of pull-ups at bedtime now. (!) Take comfort (?)—there are others who struggle. But this seems to be a matter of B’s stubborness, right? And perhaps for BOTH the passifier and diapers—maybe how he’s trying to stay in control. Ah, control issues—we all have them. What is it YOU don’t want to give up?
Cheers, Joy
pkr said,
ps.
I’ve yet to see a freshman boy at Clemson wearing a diaper and sporting a paci!! so don’t fret!
selena said,
i remember something similar to amberleigh…but a friend locked them in the kitchen (for easy cleanup) w/those kiddie fences and fed them cup after sippie cup of water & apple juice. when they had to pee (or poo, i suppose) they had to ask. if they ask and make it to the toilet they get a skittle. she said typically if you spend one full day doing this they are trained by the end of the day! no kiddos here but that’s what i’ve heard several parents say worked for them!
p.s. she may have moved the kiddie toilet into the kitchen.
anna porter said,
I have yet to get to this stage but these are the few tips I have been gathering. Potty training—same idea as Amber ad Selena. Take 2-3 days (or i guess however long it takes), don’t schedule anything else and focus on potty training around the clock. Take B down to a t-shirt and nothing else, keep him very hydrated and supposedly kids don’t like the feeling of peeing/pooping on themselves. I hear it is some of the most frustrating/long days but it works and if you are mentally prepared for those days I guess it could be easier to get through. Also, creating a chart seems to be a good motivater. B gets a reward when he 1. tells you he needs to go 2. Pee’s in potty 3. Poops in potty etc. etc. you can make up as many columns/incentives as you can think of and use stickers or candy as prizes. I have also heard people rewarding with a trip to the toy store if he successfully does well for lets say a week, or two weeks. As for the passy the only tip I have heard of is to slowly begin snipping the nipple down each day and soon he will not have anything to suck on and he will choose to stop using it on his own because “it is broken”. It worked for my friends i guess it is worth a try. Hope those help….
Rachel said,
My cousin had the pacifier problem with her twin girls so double the “nuk” fits. Depending on how sturdy your nuks are you can try the thing that finally worked for them. Their pacifiers had the tendency to break so they just told the girls that when one broke it would be thrown away and they wouldn’t get anymore. Eventually there just weren’t any nuks left in the house. On the fateful night that they were told there were no more nuks, one of the girls shrieked “Please Jesus, Noooo!” but the addiction was ended. Good luck!
Sally said,
You have had a lot of changes with moving, new puppy etc so that could contribute to delaying the potty training. The idea of confining to the kitchen and focussing on “potty camp” is a good one. Even more uncomfortable than peeing on himself is having wet underpants on. For us, being enrolled to start nursery school just after my son’s 3rd birthday seemed to do the trick just in the nick of time.
I recently read on another blog wonderful stories about packing up the pacifiers and making a gift of them to either somebody else’s baby or to the “baby rabbits” or something. Of course Brighton would help with the packing up and giving away. But potty first, paci afterwards.
laury said,
Hi Amy,
Just weighing in since I am something of a lurker ‘round here (tho your sister-in-law as well) ;) ...what I have to say is: buena suerte! :0) love, laury.
Megret said,
Hi! I don’t have any particular advice to offer for the paci – we TRIED to get our kids to take one as babies and they always refused it. Oh, well.
About potty training, it’s true boys are slower and less interested than girls. Our son was only barely #1 trained when he turned 3 — it has only been in the last 6 months (he’ll be 4 in Sept.) that we’ve mastered the whole #2 thing. One day it just clicked – he realized he didn’t like that feeling in his Pull-Ups and decided going on the potty. We had a couple of slip-backs, yes, but we didn’t fuss at him. As our pediatrician said, “No 5-year-old kid is still in diapers,” so we kept that as our hope and promise. :)
Aubrey said,
I wish I had some good advice about potty training. I guess since I’m a doctor I should find some more helpful things to say about it. Sorry. As for the paci, I’ve heard from lots of people they do things like talk about a “paci fairy” who comes one night and takes the pacis away, leaving a fun prize instead. Or to talk about donating them to another needy child. I’ve also heard of people who slowly cut the paci down, making it smaller and smaller every day, because the child is getting bigger, until there is nothing left. Plus, if you cut the tip, they don’t really enjoy sucking it anymore. That’s about it for me. I hope it goes well.
allison said,
Wow, lots of response to that one. Ok, I’ll call you. You know that Emersen is constipation child, so I am the freakin’ expert. We have been at Stanford for appointments for the last 9 months. Good advice, good progress. Constipation for our boys has actually caused the colon to stretch, which makes potty training ten times harder. There is too much to write! Ok, first before you start, go to your healthfood store (Whole foods…) and buy Jarrow brand Yum Yum Dophilus. It’s a probiotic for kids. We call it tummy candy. It’s sooo good. That has done wonders just to get things moving. Getting it in the potty is another issue. Love you, will call soon! (Wait, what is your new phone number, is it the same as before?)
Ellie McG. said,
Wow! Lots of good advice here! Whenever I have a question about kids, I always go to the Berkeley Parents network. Here is a link to every piece of advice you could ever think of on potty training.
http://parents.berkeley.edu/advice/potty/training.html
Be careful though…you could end up with a tub full of poop!
minismith said,
You guys are AWESOME! Thank you for all the great advice. I’m feeling a little more hopefully and a little less stressed today. And Ellie, I totally LOVE the Berkley Network…I usually use them for everything. Hmm, but for some reason blanked when it came to potty training. Hearing about all the 3 and 4 year olds still working on it made me feel a lot better though :)
Rosie said,
Amy- I would suggest doing one at a time. First get rid of the paci. Ellie put hers in the big trash can outside on garbage day and she watched the men take hers away. It was a whiney rough week, but there was no turning back. I have heard of moms tying the paci to a helium balloon and allowing the kid to let go of it and watch it float away forever. As far as the potty, give him some more time, most boys don’t get it until 3 to 3 1/2 . . . see if he regains interest in the next few months. I would just focus on one thing at a time. Once you get rid of the paci you can start talking to him about how he is such a big boy without it and big boys don’t crap their pants, right? rosie
Anne Deeb said,
one thing that has really worked with abel… watching his daddy go potty. yup, when he saw daddy do it, he wanted to do it too. so now, almost everytime coury goes, abel wants to go too. and marshmallows were the best incentive for us. (white ones for pee, chocolate for poo)
pacy… when little elias arrived we decided abel could have his pacy only in his room. then after a couple months, only in his bed. we have to put them out of reach or he will go into his bed and get them.
good luck!!! you are doing an amazing job raising your 2 precious boys!!!
Mary said,
Lurker here… SAHM with 3 babies in 3.5 years. The older 2 are potty trained, and the first one was my only pacifier baby, but that was successfully discarded before age 2. I would echo comments to attack one problem at a time, and I would start with the pacifiers, since that is the “easier” problem. Good techniques recommended here (especially clipping it), or on your next trip, just “leave” them behind. Will be a rough week with sad bedtimes and naps, but after a few days, he will be over it.
Potty training requires more cooperation on the kid’s part, which is why I’d do that one second. If you try this too early, before the kid is ready, then it is a LOT more work for you — you are training YOURSELF, not the child. So, I’d wait for more signs of readiness and cooperation to make it a faster and easier problem. My kids have done well right around age 3, but everyone is different!! I have had friends do the “potty party” technique, where you set a date, decorate the bathroom, spend the day in the bathroom just focusing on that. But, for my kids, they have been happy with rewards of Smarties or M&Ms. :-) Happy parenting!!!
Julie said,
With son #1, the problem was with doing #1. We tried all the usual advice, and it finally clicked at his 4th bday. (We had a brief problem with doing #2 but it was easily solved with my sister’s method – a calm but firm remark, “You poop in your pants, you get a cold bath.” After two lukewarm dips, that was the end of that.)
My stubborn son #2 has had trouble with #2, but has pretty well mastered #1. The cold bath trick which worked long enough to get the prize. Since then, he has waited ‘til he has a diaper on at bedtime, and the beloved big rig sits atop the refrigerator.
As for the paci, we did the no-replacement route with the 1st after he bit the ends out himself. The 2nd lost his among the bras & underwear at Target, and it was gone forever.
You can’t make them eat, sleep, or poop, but eventually it will happen. Pray that it’s sooner than later.
Marcy said,
I have no words of wisdom and have only potty trained a girl so far (which is supposedly easier).
The only suggestion that I have is to not do what I did which is get so frustrated you hold your toddler on the potty until she (or he) vomits.
Just trying to save you from the parent’s hall of shame wall where my picture currently resides ;)
laura said,
Hey Amy,
I weaned Seaton and Austin from their pacis at night first, then naps, because those naps were gold for me and I didn’t have the energy in the afternoons to listen to the crying. It didn’t take more than 3 days without a pacifier for them to sleep through the night. I’ve heard (but never did this) that you could take the pacis to the build-a-bear workshop at the mall and put all the pacis inside the bear. that way he’s got the pacis, but they’re inside his new bear. cute, but expensive idea…. I liked it :)
For my boys, I let them wear undies and feel what it was like to have wet undies. It took less than 48 hours with both, and both were 3 months shy of turning 3 years old. Take heart and go for it (after you lose the pacies!)
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