August 29, 2007 | Mama Smith

the pressure cooker

One more thing and I seriously think we’ll blow.

It was an excruciatingly stressful and painful process packing up the last few things on Monday, locking the truck, saying goodbye to our friends, then Mt. Airy, then Philly, and embarking on the 12 hour trek down south.

The last night we slept on a mattress in our dining room. I showered and dried off with a diaper, the only absorbent thing left in the house besides toilet paper, and that would have been a mess. We sobbed after saying goodbye to Matt & Marcy, then taking one last drive past the co-op, Highpoint and through the city.

I feel utterly drained – emotionally and physically.

We are here in Greenville. After a brief stop in D.C. to see my family. After loosing our beloved stroller off the top of our car on I-85. After enduring the cruel juggling act of getting one child to sleep right as the other was waking. After one too many stressful calls related to either our closing, or our moving truck, or Matthew’s works. Neither Matthew nor I can believe that we’re still standing and functioning semi-normally.

We are resting here at my aunt and uncle’s house until our closing next week. We are thankful for time to recuperate, regroup, and make preparations for starting our lives here in SC.

I wonder when I’ll let myself just fall apart over all this stress and sadness. When my mind starts to wander to the faces of old friends, the streets of familiarity around our old home, the memories of Papa, I have to stop and find something else to focus on or pour energy into. If I let myself go there right now, I don’t think I’ll recover.

But I can imagine Matthew and I will find ourselves lounging on the porch some evening next week, with the boys down in their new rooms, helping each other slowly walk through the wildness of these past few months, mourning the loss of all that’s occurred and beckoning each other to dream about what’s to come.