October 6, 2008 | Mama Smith

the computer lives

I’ve started working for Matthew’s business, Squared Eye 10-15 hours a week. It is SO THRILLING to work formulas, organize numbers and witness the beauty of a messy pile of receipts & bank statements fall into actual order once again.

Such a contrast to the constant flow of chaos in managing two tiny tots. Where picked up toys are dumped out 5 minutes later. A clean diaper is promptly dirtied. And the grimy dishes are cleaned, only to be immediately replaced by new ones.

I’m finally coming to gripes with the fact that my love (or certain people would say, obsession) for creating order out of chaos is not always a bad thing. Even though I will always have a tendency to idolize it and to freak out when the chaos outweighs the order, the redeemed part of that desire is actually a really, really good thing.

And I’m trying to accept the fact that chaos will always have one up on me while the boys are young. For now, the toys will always need to be returned to their containers at the end of the night, the diaper pail will always be filling up, and there will always be oatmeal to scrape off the table. Which is why, in some small way, creating order out of Matthew’s financial chaos has made me feel as if a small part of me has come back to life.

That was almost ruined yesterday. When I spilled an unlidded cup of tea all over my brand new MacBook keyboard. Nothing makes you feel quite as idiotic in this type of situation as (1) drinking around your computer with an unlidded cup in the first place, (2) spilling said tea on keyboard while simply staring at it yelling…until your boss/husband grabs it from your panicking grasp, (3) wondering how you are going to survive 24 hours…or gasp... more, without a computer ( cough addiction! cough).

I thought it was slowly dying last night as it flickered and hummed, while refusing to turn on. But we did everything we knew how anyway, then woke this morning, cautiously hit the power button, and the glorious Apple Start-Up music rang through our kitchen. It was alive. Our nerves and bank account were very grateful.