March 17, 2007 | Mama Smith
personal day?
By the end of Thursday I was wondering if there was such thing as Sick Days for moms. Or Personal Days…or the standard two weeks vacation. Or something. Anything. If not, what about “skip town” days or “run out the door screaming and never come back” days?
I need one of those. Or all of those.
Poor Levi is really struggling with getting his farts out these days and Brighton is really struggling with finding something to do other than dunking my hairbrush in the toilet or ripping out his favorite verses…or pages…from my Bible.
For Levi, his struggle involves lots of tears and sudden panicky screams that are hard to soothe. And for Brighton, his struggle involves a new phase of discipline, which also results in his own set of tears.
All the crying and tears are starting to wear on me. I’ve even joined them a few times.
Thursday was especially wearing and I honestly wanted to just quit. Just pack up and quit the whole motherhood thing. Apologize for wasting everyone’s time. Tender my resignation and get the hell outta there. I am not even trying to be funny when I say that. In all honesty and being total candid, that is exactly how I felt as the sun set on Thursday evening.
Matthew arrived home from work with these for me:
...my absolute favorite – dark chocolate pretzels from Trader Joes. Sadly, the only thing that had put a smile on my face in over 4 hours that day.
And with these:
The flowers, that is. The bag I just got from IKEA today for a whopping $4.99. Maybe they’ll start making clothes soon?
He also told me to leave. To go roam around a bookstore, to go sit at a coffee shop, or just to go drive…but just to leave. Be alone. And remember who I am. Who Christ is. What He offers me in the midst of the struggle to be a mom and love these boys. I had completely forgotten over the course of the day.
As I returned home, I was still tired and worn out and not too thrilled about my current calling. But a tiny speck of hope was restored. That Christ was with me in this and would carry me, and my sons, through these hard days and moments, despite me and my ability to swing this whole mothering thing or not at any given moment.
Now on to more shallow things…
Despite the gassy cries from Levi today and the cruel snow, as pictured here out our window this evening…
...we’ve had a sweet, sweet weekend together. Matthew and I had fun getting geeky with web stuff tonight (maybe you noticed a few tweaks we’ve made to the site) and Brighton was unusually happy and ridiculously cute all day long. Not one tear or fit the whole day...miraculous. He does need a haircut horribly though, as evidenced here:
He’s starting to look like a little friar. We actually had scheduled an appointment for today at 10am, but didn’t realize just how thick and impenetrable the ice on our car would be this morning. And therefore didn’t scrape ourselves out in time, and didn’t feel like waiting for the other 5 screaming kids, now ahead of us in line.
After our hard day with Levi, Matthew decided to make the most of all these pacifiers lying around our house, and partake in their supposed soothing capabilities. I think he’s the next paci addict in the house. Or at least the sexiest one, don’t you think? I’m, too sexy for my paci, too sexy for my paci…so sexy. You would have had a winner with that line, Right Said Fred.
Mary said,
Dear Amy,
What an amazing concept, to have Mommy personal days. Your descripion realy brings home how you must have been feeling.
I don’t know if any of these ideas might help, but just in case they would benefit you:
1) might you have a young teenager or even preteen in the neighborhood who would love to come and play with Brighton for an hour or so after school for free or for a few dollars?
2) What you have experienced with Levi makes me remeber my own first child – no digestive troubles the first month, but a tough time the following 2 months. Looking back on it, I have the feeling she was consuming too much at a feeding once her tummy got a bit bigger and could hold more, and once my milk was generous. Especially because she was sleeping through the night at a month old.
3) Anything in your own diet which might be contributing to his discomfort? Amazingly cow’s milk for the mom can be troublesome and you wouldn’t expect it (might think of the obvious things like onions which are gassy fro grownups, but not healthy things like milk).
Good luck. I do enjoy reading your blog.
Wendy Demers said,
Amy-Reading this post actually brought me to tears! I have an 8 month old and when she was younger I to wanted to throw in the towel and quit mommyhood! I was so serious when I said it to! Then I was able to go and have just a few hours of “me time” and it instantly recharged me! I absolutly feel for you:) Thank goodness for such a wonderful husband who knew exactly what you needed! God Bless!
Emily said,
I know what you mean, AC. I’m glad Matthew was able to give you a few hours off…
Love you, friend.
mom said,
GO MATTHEW!!!
choc pretzels AND flowers are awesome, but pushing you out the door is real love.
Aim, get out a photo of you at 2yrs and you’ll see that B has your hairdo :)
AND he looks exactly like you!!
I want to squeeze him so much. kiss little l too.
love you, m.
Amy Roop said,
Amy,
Bless you for your honesty! I have one daughter Raegan (8 months) who went through the same thing Levi is experiencing now. I can’t even imagine dealing with that AND a toddler at the same time!!! Those days seemed like they would never end. I tried EVERYTHING! I ate a bland diet (think plain chicken and rice… yum!) tried gas drops, walked the floors (ALOT), cried hard and prayed even harder. Nothing seemed to work but good old fashioned TIME. Take comfort in knowing that you are not alone in your struggles as a mother. As long and treacherous as these days seem, they will come to an end! And you will come out of this a much stronger person/mother/christian/wife/friend/etc. I’m not sure if you are familiar with the group Casting Crowns, but a friend recently introduced me to their music. I would recomend the song “Praise you this storm” Praying for you!
Amy (Yates)
sandy mosolgo said,
I try to remember to lift up young mothers(especially my daughters) that God would give that extra measure of grace so badly needed.Imagine life without your keen sense of humor. A merry heart doeth good like medicine… What a thoughtful hubby you have.
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