February 10, 2010 | Mama Smith
our little minismith #3
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. ~Psalm 139:13-16
56 days. After an all too short 56 days, our baby is now sitting with Jesus singing those very words to his tender, adoring face. He did not forget her, she was not hidden from Him. Her 56 days were ordained from the beginning, and now he calls her by the name only He knows. Some day we’ll get to hear it. Some day we’ll get to meet her.
This past Monday, we found out via ultrasound that the little heartbeat we saw pumping away at 6 weeks – the ultrasound photo from above that Matthew had “fancied up” – was no longer there. Our baby had passed away at 9 weeks, a complete shock and horror to us, as those of you who have been through it know.
There are few things in life as overwhelming and painful as the loss of someone you love. For you mothers out there, you know how wild that love begins to grow from the moment you pick up that positive pregnancy test. Though we’d never met this little one, we all four loved him/her, and we are deeply feeling their absence in our lives.
We had all four gone to the prenatal appointment, telling the boys we were going to the “baby doctor” to take a picture of the baby. Needless to say, as things went a direction we weren’t expecting Matthew took care of the boys as I pulled myself together as much as possible for us to all head home. He gently told them the baby had gone home to be with Jesus. Once in the car, Brighton sat in his car seat with a long, somber look on his face. I asked him if he was okay. He replied, “But Mommy, I LOVED our baby. I wanted to SEE our baby. I’m so sad, Mom”.
The boys had called the baby “Mirabelle Fire” from the beginning. We’re not sure where it came from, but as it’s been the year of fire in the Smith family, the name seemed appropriate. We aren’t sure if it was a boy or girl, but to put a name to a soul that is very real and is now with Jesus, we’re calling her Mirabelle Fire Smith. She was our Minismith #3. And though grief is a process we’ll slowly lumber through, she’ll never be forgotten. She was one of our children, one of the minismith clan, in all her tiny glory.
Please keep all four of us in your thoughts and prayers as we walk through this unexpected and deeply painful season in our lives.
Emily said,
Oh Amy Claire, and all the Smiths, I am so deeply sorry to hear this. We grieve with you.
Rachel Rieves said,
I am so sorry-Praying for you ALL!
Mary and Brian Hand said,
My heart aches for you all. I’m so sorry. Your post is a beautiful reminder that our Savior is in control of all these things, even though it is so hard. Thank you for your testimony. We will be praying for you.
CS said,
I’m really sorry for your loss. I’ll be praying for you.
Amy said,
I’m so sorry to hear your news Amy. We will be praying for your family through this difficult time.
Megret said,
So, so sorry, Amy and family. Our prayers are with you also.
aubrey said,
Amy, I am so, so sorry for your family. We lost our first little one just about a year ago, and remember the pain all too clearly. Your post was beautifully written. We’ll be praying for you.
kate said,
i am miles and miles and miles away, clutching my own little secret at 5 weeks and crying for you, so certain that it’s all very precious and so very very fragile.
amy smith said,
Thank you all for your sweet comments, support and prayers. Each one means more to us than you can know.
Lizzie said,
There are no words…. Our hearts and prayers are with you.
maryanne helms said,
AC-
Praying for all the Smith’s, big and mini.
So sorry to hear this news. Will pray for you tonight and in the coming days. lots of love and hugs from atlanta!
Brian said,
We love you. We are praying for you.
allison said,
I love her name, and love your perspective. Jesus will hold you close!!
anna said,
As you so often remind us Amy, this is not the way the world is supposed to be. One day our Heavenly father will come, once again, and redeem this fallen place. And on that day there will be no more crying or pain or death anymore. Praise the Lord for that hope that we can cling to esp. in times like these. We lost our little one at 9wks too. As I read your post your words were a not so distant echo to the thoughts and pain we went through just four years ago. Our family will be praying for you all as you grieve and process the loss of sweet little Mirabelle Fire.
laury said,
wish i could be there to help you keep the bases covered while you grieve. i cried deeply to read this beautiful eulogy. such a loss. please give brighton and levi big hugs for me. and then ask them to give you a big hug too. thinking of you.
julie said,
We are praying for you and the boys.
The Brown Family said,
Mini-smith Family,
We have long been blog lurkers (for about 4 years….I went to Covenant with you, Amy Claire, and stumbled across your blog one day and we’ve been faithful readers ever since) but have never left a comment before. Last night when I read this post I was moved to tears and my heart was heavy for your family. I cannot imagine the pain and loss you feel but am so impressed and encouraged by the comfort you are seeking from our Heavenly Father. This last year of your life has been unbelievable and the ride just keeps getting more wild. God is doing something incredible in your lives—painful, heartbreaking, but incredible all the same. We will be praying for you all during this particularly difficult season.
Sara (allen) Brown.
matthew smith said,
I love you my bride.
Trent said,
you & the entire family will be in our thoughts and prayers.
Thomas Moffett said,
Our Prayers will be with you…and glad to see your hope for the future…with her in eternity!
Gedy said,
Matthew and Amy, we join you in your pain. I can’t say that I fully understand but I have lost a baby before and it was one of the most marking experiences of my life. I cry with you as I ask the comforter to come and give you all the love and peace you need at this time. We love you guys.
Jesse Gardner said,
I rejoice with those who are rejoicing, and I now weep with you as you weep. Thankfully we have a loving Savior who will wipe away all tears from our eyes…
susan said,
We, Geoff and Susan, join the long list of mourners for this little one. B’s words slay my heart. Please know that we share in the grieving alongside you.
Chris Enns said,
You don’t know me and I don’t really know you except through your husband’s twitter/blog but I want you to know that God will see you through this as he did my wife and I when we lost our first attempt at having a child.
Katie Jamieson said,
Oh Amy, my heart and prayers are with you and your family. Praying for you, trusting Jesus with you, and mourning with you. Trusting God for His good gifts and mercy during this time.
j mcmullen said,
I’m so sorry for your loss, Amy. I’ve never been through it myself, but know the love that grows like wild fire from day 1 and how the dreaming starts at the ++ sign. I pray that Jesus is near to you during your grieving.
Elsa Meyer said,
We are praying for you. I am so sorry.
Krissy (McGuire) Koslowsky said,
I can’t even type out my name and email through the tears, AC.
I just saw Mar the other day and she told me about minismith #3, so I just went to your blog today and read 2/10/10’s entry. Oh, honey…I am so sorry. Life is so precious…and tears fill my eyes as I put my hand on my belly (16 weeks with baby #2) and think of how very true that is.
I just looked on BabyCenter to see what was going on at 9weeks and it said that little Mirabelle was the size of a grape and her earlobes were forming :) (you know me and my obsession with ears!).
Oh, AC…my heart just aches for you guys. My best friend Annie was 19 weeks pregnant and just lost her precious son, Landon. I flew to Georgia, with Katie Rai (6 months) to be with her for a week back in December. She went thru sad days, days where she wanted to talk about everything and days where she just didn’t want to talk at all, and some angry days, too. She wasn’t really angry at God so much, just internally agonized/frustrated that she couldn’t hold her baby and struggling with intense feelings of “being robbed and feeling empty”. It was so hard to watch her while she was in such pain (I just had Katie in late July, so all those emotions were still pretty fresh for me and I couldn’t imagine what she was going through). I think the best thing I said to her during that time was “honey, do you need to go out and hit something…like go the batting cages and go nuts?!?!?” (fyi: We didn’t go to the batting cages…). I have never been more thankful for the hope of Heaven. What would we do without our loving, redeeming, great God???
Anyway, I miss you and love you sweetie. If there is ANYTHING I can do for you, let me know. Steve and I will be lifting you up…
commenting closed for this article
