January 24, 2007 | Mama Smith

i think he knows...

Something is definitely going on. Mom is definitely up to something that will involve less of me-time and more of something or someone else time. I do not approve.

This has seemingly been Brighton’s general attitude (and his general facial expression) for the past two days. It’s been a bizarre shift from the independant roamer I once had hanging around with me during the day. He’d be happy to putter around in his room, or play with his toys in the den, while I’d do dishes or put away clean laundry in various parts of the house.

As of lately, a sort of panic has set in. If I leave the room unannounced, he dashes after me sobbing, tears streaming down his face. Today I tried playing with him for a bit, then get up to wash the breakfast dishes and he would have none of it. He came and sat in between my feet and the sink cupboard.

I feel as if I have a little monkey attached to my legs.

So I decided to let the chores go for the day and just spend some time with this needier-than-normal kiddo. I pulled out the paper bags, taped them to the floor and tried to create an exciting craft area where we could work on valentines.

This only ended in more tears (See…they’re about to come right after this picture. Note the expression on his face “Why are you making me do this?!).

B did not want to color. Did not want to fold bouncing legs for the heart men. Did not want to get out of my lap to do anything. I begin to get increasingly annoyed at his lack of interest in my above-and-beyond attempts to entertain him. That obviously weren’t working. The annoyance had to be curbed. The project halted and instead we spent a good half hour just reading the same books over and over on the couch.

I guess it’s too hopeful to think he’s too young to know what’s about to hit our family. I don’t think I’ve given him enough credit in all this transition we’ve already begun as a family. He definitely knows something is up. And for me that means not only curbing my annoyance when he doesn’t entertain himself as easily or jump wholeheartedly into projects I’ve set up for him, but also curb my desires to clean the house from top to bottom, prepare bountious feasts to fill our freezer and otherwise frantically try to arrange everything in my life to perfection before little minismith #2 arrives. A lot has to be let go of. A lot of to-do lists crumpled up and tossed in the trash at the end of the day. I am NOT good at doing that.

I have a lot to learn about letting go of my agenda. A lot to learn about being a daughter who is led by her Father as the MANY twists and turns in life unfold. A lot to learn about trusting the Author of my Life instead of my “perfect plan” for any given day or any given circumstance.