March 25, 2007 | Mama Smith

achingly tired

Brighton not wanting to miss out on this cool thing Levi was into lately, called swaddling. B: Hey, nice swaddling, dude. L: Yeh, nice new hairdo, man.

Today I was reading through one of my favorite literary publications, a sweet outlook on “faith in the ordinary things”, that unfortunately is only published four times a year. I eat up Margie Haack’s Notes From Toad Hall like Matthew does with This American Life broadcasts.

In one part of this issue she wrote about her experience with the word paliggenesioa, a greek word meaning new birth, reproduction, renewal, re-creation, regeneration. She quoted the Greek dictionary that describes the word as meaning…

The signal and glorious change of all things (in heaven and earth) for the better. That restoration of the primal and perfect condition of things which existed before the fall of our first parents.

My heart resonated deeply to that tune when I read those words. I literally had to hold back tears. Matthew and I are achingly tired this evening. After a night of Levi’s cries echoing through our house for 3 straight hours, and going on 7 weeks of broken up, scattered sleep from this newborn stage, and struggling to adjust to this whole parenting-two-kids thing, we are wiped.

Not despairingly so, but we are exhausted and in constant need of remembering. Remembering who Christ is in the midst of all this, as the Author of our lives. Remembering who we are, as His children, in need of following and being carried, not mustering up some waning self-sustaining strength or energy. Remembering where we are headed, and that this is not, and should not feel like, Home. Not where we find ultimate, deep, soul-quenching rest or answers to all the “whys” in life.

Margie points out that there are actually only two passages in the New Testament where this word is used:

Jesus said to them, “I tell you the truth, at the renewal of all things, when the Son of Man sits on his glorious throne…” -Matthew 19:28

But the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but becasue of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit. – Titus 3:5

I love her thoughts that follow those passages:

This deep and glorious healing of all things through Christ is so certain Paul speaks of it as already having happened. It’s what is referred to as “now, but not yet”. When everything around invites us to despair paliggenesia keeps us crocheting little hats. Rescue, regeneration, that perfect Garden we’ve longed for ever since we had to leave – it will be, already is – ours.

I often give in to the despair, but by some miracle I feel the Spirit like a cool mist in our home. He really is here and He really is good. In the midst of Levi’s cries and our tired, foggy brains attempting to function as parents. Living in a fallen world where things are worse than just hard at times – where they’re unbearable, they’re piercing, they’re deadening – I have to constantly be reminded that renewal and rebirth is coming. That we are headed Home. That it’s already been promised to us.

A quick glimpse at our weekend:

The helmet-head blowing his new bubbles

The helmet-head finally shorn, after his trip to the barber. The woman asked me if I wanted more of a “skater look or funky messy look” for Brighton. What happened to just a normal little boy haircut? Maybe she remembered he was famous, male model Zoolander back in the day.

Mom and Levi wondering what that was Brighton just stuck in his mouth

Brighton wishing he was a baby again

Margs with some new friends…we’re creating addicts everywhere