February 10, 2007 | Mama Smith
a father's love
What I didn’t realize last night is that Matthew had gone into Brighton’s room towards the end of my posting on the blog. He had picked up the raging B, sat him down and told him to look at his dad. After flailing around for a bit, Matthew finally managed to focus him. He quietly and firmly said, “Brighton, no – more – fussing.” And with Brighton’s little signs he said and signed out “I-love-you. Papa-loves-Brighton” over and over a few times. Brighton then broke. Putting his head on Matthew’s shoulder, he just sobbed. But then let himself be laid down and fell right asleep for the rest of the night.
What a powerful reminder that was to us of our own Father’s love for his children. As we get flustered with these changes, I feel the “this-isn’t-fair“ness begin to sink in. Why does Brighton have to struggle with this so much? Why can’t I seem to get it together and be a pro at juggling a nursing baby in one arm and a demanding toddler in the other? Why can’t we have all-knowing wisdom about how to balance love and boundaries with Brighton? Why doesn’t life just click?
I feel like that raging little Brighton in my crib. Screaming at how unjust life seems. At how unfair it was that whatever given circumstance came into my life without asking me whether it was welcome or not. And in walks the Father. Not angry, not disappointed, but rather with great strength and love. Vast, unmeasured, boundless, free. Saying, “No more fussing, Amy. I-love-you. Abba Father-loves-Amy” over and over until I break. With relieving sobs on his shoulder. That I don’t have to be in control. That I don’t have to get-a-grip. That I don’t have to cope. But I can just bury my head in his shoulder and trust his overflowing love and mercy to guide me through these bumps in life.
As B continues to wrestle with how he fits into these new shoes of big brother today, Matthew and I have to keep remembering we’re all four being led through this by Christ. Little Levi continues to just look around during the day and sleep peacefully at night (as peacefully as a newborn can). He couldn’t be more easy-going, the sweet little guy. He does like to claw at his face, hence the totally hip sock-gloves.
Some shots of B at the park with his dad today getting some breathing space…
John said,
thanks for your blogs, guys…levi is beautiful
aunt cal-cal said,
He is SOOO CUTE!! I want to hug him right now… and Brighton, too :)
Anne Deeb said,
thank you, Amy, for continually pointing us to Christ in your “everyday life” kinda way. what a sweet picture you create with your words.
anna said,
It is so easy for me to think i can do it all on my own and i don’t need a Savior- especially right now as i am up every few hours nursing as well—thanks for this reminder. Ben and I are praying for your family.
natalee said,
Amy,
Thank you for such a beautiful picture of how Jesus is. I needed to hear that today. Well done.
Love, Nat (The boys are soooo cute.)
LaVerne & Rex said,
So happy to receive your communique today…made me feel better. I’ve been
concerned for Brighton and his struggle. Rex used to talk to St & Ch
that same way…eye to eye….explaining things so everyone
understood. Made me feel better and I
know B, M & A. felt better. Little L.
is just peacefully handling all the
uproar his own way…eat, sleep. So very glad your Mother is with you, Amy.
What a comfort that is to you and a great satisfaction to her, I’m sure.
L>
Geniene Simrak said,
Amy, it’s amazing to see the difference from when you first started Minismith to now. I see a big difference in how you and Matthew are handling parenthood. God has grown you, stretched you and molded you both (and continues to do so, of course) through the course of family-life circumstances that you never would have planned for yourself! It’s truly awesome to read about your walk with Christ through all of Brighton’s challenges and now with the blessing of Levi’s disposition.
God Bless all four of you!
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