Minismith

I look back on the beginnings of our adoption journey in the fall of ’09 and I see myself, in some ways, like a starry-eyed teenager. Feeling invincible, adventurous, and running full steam ahead with an idealized ambition. Yet even in my immaturity, I feel Jesus’ delight and joy in that. Not shame, not annoyance, but delight in my innocence and my heart gushing with hope and wonder. We didn’t start this process perfectly, but we began it the best we knew how. We’re always a mixed bag. Woven with together with the threads of redemption and God’s own glory, and the threads of our humanity and weakness.

reality

Over the past year we’ve faced many twists and turns in our adoption journey. As well as skinned knees, face-plants over hidden roots, and snagging thorn bushes along the way. Some have been fierce blows, while others have been simple nuisances. But as our adoption counselor wisely reminded us a few weeks ago, “Adoption is not for the faint of heart.” I believe it’s even bigger than that. Life is not for the faint of heart, but we don’t typically get a choice in that matter. So what are we left with in the face of that reality? I believe we’re left staring into the eyes of the One who has promised He will never leave us. The One who dances over us each and every day. The One who promises to lead us. The One who is good all the time and never changes. The One who pursues the fatherless with reckless abandon. The One whose very real, very powerful presence is our haven of rest each and every day if we’re simply willing to fall into it.

And that is where Matthew and I stand right now. His gentle shepherding of our family. His perfect leadership that at times utterly confuses our earthly-minds. The strength of His love that is our only constant in this life. For here we are, in a swirl of emotions and a daily paradox of both grief and joy, that would utterly sweep us under if our gaze wasn’t firmly set on His.

hope and pain…

In October, we were matched with a birthmom and her little girl, due Dec. 21st. We were unprepared for how hard we would fall for that little girl, whose face we had yet to see. Early in the adoption process, I wrestled with new-to-adoption fears. Wondering if it was really possible to love your adopted children as much as your birth children. Wondering how bonding would occur. Wondering how long it would take. So I was completely unprepared for the floodgate that let loose in my heart when we received the call that D, the birthmom, had chosen us and that we would be meeting our new daughter, whom we named Maisy, in a few short months. I began to see her face everywhere. I poured my prayers into her little body and her mother’s womb. I woke up thinking about her and fell asleep with her on my mind.

And then we received “the call” on Dec. 14th, one week before we were to fly out for her birth, that D, our birthmom, was gone. Never to be heard from again. We were devastated. In some ways we were ashamed at ourselves for so wildly loving this little girl that wasn’t yet ours and yet to withold love felt foreign to us. We had to believe all our prayers and all our love we poured into her was for a reason, that may never be known to us.

the joyful twist…

On Christmas Eve, after a rough week of grieving, we received another call from our adoption agency that a new birthmom was letting the agency chose her family…and they wanted to chose us, after what had happened. News that we held close to our family just to wait and see how things progressed. Another precious girl, due January 28th. We were in shock and overjoyed. Even in the midst of our sorrow and confusion over losing Maisy, we slowly began to let our hearts open to the possibility of this baby. And ever so slowly, begin to hope again.

trumped…

A week later, Matthew walked into our bedroom to find me sobbing on the edge of the bed. A positive pregnancy test laying beside me.

Despite our ramped-up protective measures during this adoption process, it was “against all odds”, in the beginning of December, that God created this little life in me. His plans trumped ours. He ordained this little soul into our family and that is a blessing and a gift. We were overjoyed by this little life. And yet we still found ourselves caught in a paradox of emotions almost daily.

On that day, there were just no words. I found myself spinning out of control. I felt utterly and devastatingly confused. Over the course of the next few weeks, I’d find myself daily, nestled up in God’s arms, just crying and asking why. Why was this seed of adoption planted in my heart? Why had it grown into such a living, breathing part of me only to be put on hold again? Why had my heart been opened and so completely captivated by having a daughter, when I only ever wanted boys? Why yet another unexpected pregnancy? Why now? What if this baby doesn’t make it like the other one last year? Could my heart handle any more loss? In the darkest moments of those weeks I would hear over and over….

His leadership is perfect. He is trustworthy and good ALL the time.

a new, unexpected season

For so many readers, this might bring up a surge of unpredictable emotions. From your own story. Your own heartache. And I don’t want to be callous or careless in my response to this news. I simply want to share my heart as an adoptive mom. Because I don’t think I would have understood the pain this story held a few years ago. But for me, I feel as if I’m grieving the loss of two little girls. Two little girls that we were not yet mine, but that I had fixed my love on. Grieving the loss of a dream for now. A hope for adoption to be woven into our family. For the past few weeks I’ve felt each day holds a mix of both joy and sadness. We have life, a little soul with it’s body forming. This is a gift and delight. We also have a broken, delayed dream to adopt and two girls we’ve had to say goodbye to. This is heartache deep and unexplainable.

We want to whole-heartedly thank all of you for your prayers, your support, and your gifts throughout this year as we moved through the adoption process. We do not feel this new path God is leading us down means an end to that journey. We fully believe he planted the seed of adoption in our heart and made it flourish for a reason. All of our adoption funding has been transferred to a savings account until we are able to begin the process again in another year or so. We jokingly believe this might just be God’s way of helping us have a larger family than we had planned for. Four kids seemed manageable with the hope of two adoptions in our future. It might eek up to five now, but we’re letting God lead all of those decisions, as He inevitably will anyhow.

prayers

Please pray for us over these coming weeks. For freedom from fear about this pregnancy. Not all of you may know that last year at this exact same time, we also had an unexpected pregnancy and then lost the baby at 8 weeks. We’ve thankfully passed that mark and are heading into week 10 with an ultrasound last week that looked great. Yet we need to keep our gaze set on Christ and His love for us individually and as a family. For healing, as we grieve the loss of these two baby girls. For overflowing joy, for this baby God has given us. For the gift that he or she is. For our hearts to be aligned with God’s plan and purpose for why now. And most importantly, for Jesus to be the bedrock of our souls in this weary, wild season we’re in.

p.s.

On a completely different side note, yes, the blog is new. We had been working on it with the impending arrival of the newest minismith. I’ve yet to categorize anything pre-2011 and probably won’t. As you can see, there are archives dating waaaay back though. And if you have any desire to go back that far, you’ll quickly see just how far Jesus has brought us. Those were some rocky years.

Enjoy the new look. Give my amazingly talented web designer / business owner husband a shout out for his beautiful and inspiring design skillz.

We just received the phone call that no adoptive family is ever prepared for…regardless of how much you think you’ve prepared for it.

Our adoption agency has been unable to contact our birthmother for over a week now. She was supposed to have flown to Utah last week for her induction next Tuesday. They are assuming that most likely this placement will not happen and have advised us to remove our family from the file. But since they won’t be officially closing the file until her actual due date of Dec. 25th, Matthew and I have decided to stay on until that time.

Please pray for us as we wrestle with deep sadness. We’ve been aware of the risks all along, but it never prepares you for the reality when it comes. We would love your prayers over the next week and a half as we wait. Knowing that most likely we have lost this baby, but still waiting for the official closing of the file. We want to ache and mourn, but keep our eyes fixed on our Faithful Father leading us through this exhausting process of adoption. We also want to have joy and fun with our boys through the rest of the holiday season even as we re-picture it without, what we had thought was, our daughter, who would have been joining us.

This picture/verse below showed up in my inbox yesterday, which would be more fitting than I knew at the time:

I just wrote some friends asking for prayer for these coming two weeks, but wanted to share our needs with everyone since we could use as much prayer support as possible!

This has been a busier holiday season than usual in the Smith household as we prepare to welcome home our daughter next week. The induction date was set for next Tuesday, Dec. 21st, so Matthew and I will be flying to Utah on the 20th to meet D, our birthmom, and hopefully be at the hospital for the birth on the 21st. At this point, we’ve heard we’ll be able to return on the 24th, but that has to be held pretty loosely as adoption is know for throwing a few twists and turns into the mix.

Both Matthew and I are feeling a little worn thin with how emotionally draining this whole process has been and these last two months, in particular, have been pretty gruesome. The general lack of communication from everyone has been frustrating and continually brings up feelings of being alone & defenseless in this less-than-perfect system. Would you partner with us in praying for the follow?

1. An implicit trust & rest in our Father, who leading this process – regardless of all the bumps and turns we’ll take over the next two weeks. All we CAN do is trust Him as inevitable changes to “our plans” happen, but we’re praying for a deep rest in His goodness as we’re faced with changes. This could include changes to our travel plans, how long they make us stay in Utah, the health of our daughter when she arrives, the decision of her birthmom to place her with us, the length of her hospital stay, etc…

2. For a healthy delivery & birth of the baby – please join us in praying, even now, for her health. And for D, her birthmom, as she goes through the laboring experience on Dec. 21st. She’ll be induced that morning.

3. For D, the birthmom, on Dec. 21st in particular – as she labors/delivers and waits the 24hrs before signing over placement of the baby to us. As you all know, adoption has it’s fair amount of risks and until she officially signs those papers 24hrs after the baby’s birth, we do not have any guarantees that she will officially place her baby with us. We will all need prayers the 21st-22nd as we wait.

4. For our boys, for us, and for my parents as we’re apart – with not having a absolutely settled, known date of our return, it’s much harder on everyone. The boys, us, and my parents who will be watching them. Praying for peace for all of us and reliance on Jesus for strength we don’t feel like we have – physically for my parents taking care of the boys with all their other kids at home for the holidays & emotionally for me as I’m away from the boys and keep learning to entrust them to Jesus.

5. Practicing the very real presence of our LIVING God – it’s so easy in this pressure-cooker of a situation to FREAK OUT…especially for some like myself who is newly learning how little control I actually have in life :) Every time I can’t get through to our adoption agency, or get mixed messages from different social workers, or think about level of flexibility demanded of me over the next few weeks, I tend to get wide-eyed and feel myself trying to find something, anything to control. The kids moods, their health (or lack of, lately!), the cleanliness of our house, the amount of sleep I can stockpile before getting a newborn. All of which leaves me more tired and irritable than before. This past weekend I have forced myself to stop, to turn on some kind of restful music and just picture the reality of resting with Jesus. Remembering that He is actually alive and moving and in charge of even the tiniest details of what’s going on in our lives right now. Matthew and I want to be able to keep going to that place of belief, that his very real presence is near us through this. The hassles of flying cross-country, staying in an unfamiliar town, the unknowns of if this adoption will actually carry through, dealing with bureaucracy in the hospital, waiting on paperwork. All perfect opportunities to feel alone, orphaned and not taken care of by our Loving Father. We want to believe that He is going to give us just the grace we need to be tethered lightly to plans and instead bound to His heart that is for us, that is for our daughter, and that is for adoption.

In case you’re one of those who love the details, here are our tentative travel plans:

12/20 – M & A fly out of GSP at 6am for Salt Lake City. Dinner with D, the birthmom, that night. First time we meet her!
12/21 – D is induced

12/22 – D signs placement papers and hopefully Maisy will officially be ours!

12/23 – Maisy is hopefully discharged from the hospital and comes to spend the night with us at our hotel

12/24 – We hopefully fly back home to GSP, arriving at 5pm! 

Stay tuned for the latest on the arrival of minismith #3!!

After being stunned by the outpouring of donated goods and services for our online auction, we have finally pulled ourselves together and organized the first ever Minismith Online Auction!

The auction will begin this coming Monday, November 22nd at 8pm EST and will last through the week, ending on Monday, November 29th at 8pm EST.

Feel free to go take a look around and peruse all the beautiful goods and amazing services we have generously been given here:

Minismith Online Auction

As a note, if you plan on bidding on items, you will need to create a login at the site.

There are lots of great Christmas gift ideas. Hope you find something you like :) We’re getting closer to begin able to bring home our baby girl in a month!

God is so good and faithful to his children.

We are beyond thrilled to announce that minismith #3 will be in our arms before 2010 draws to a close. As of Thursday, we have been officially matched with a birthmom due on December 25th with a full African-American baby GIRL!

A girl, a daughter. We can barely believe it. We are in shock. We are giddy. Our daughter is already here, on this earth, and in less than two months we’ll see her little face for the first time.

We covet your prayers over the coming weeks. For us and our birthmom, D. As we attempt to build a relationship over the phone under such a painful and emotionally difficult circumstance. For us to follow Jesus in loving D. and supporting her during this time. For the health and safe arrival of our little girl. For the Spirit to be with her in the womb, singing His delight and desire over her. For our boys, as we’ll be away from them for a week to 10 days around Christmas (and yeh, for me in that department as well :). And for our family, as we prepare to become FIVE!

Thank you all for the many prayers you have prayed for our family over this wild year, for your constant support, and generous encouragement. This truly has been a community endeavor from the beginning. We have felt held up through your prayers and faithfulness to walk through this process with us.

We are still in need of raising about $5,000 to cover travel costs, living out-of-state for 1-2 weeks, and finalization fees. Please consider partnering with us financially to bring this little girl home. There is a button located in the upper right-hand corner of this site. We’ll also be hosting an online auction with some beautiful items and amazing services on our Adoption Page in the coming weeks. Stay tuned for details. 

All right people, if you are within driving distance of our stomping grounds, drop everything and mark your calendars for the night of October 22nd.

The Smith’s are going to be throwing the most fabulous fall party of the year in the gorgeous downtown Greenville, complete with amazing Soby’s food, music from the lovely Hannah Miller, and a silent auction, featuring goods & services from local artisans & business folk.

We would love to have you come out and partner with us in bringing our baby home. Whether you’re a close friend, a friend of a friend, or just someone who has a big heart for adoption, you are more than welcome to join us for this night of celebrating!

Details can be found on the Night for Adoption website, designed by my handsome Mr. Smith and coded by the talented Michael Meyer.

…since, um, MAY!? Really?? Okay, that’s embarrassing.

It’s been pretty clear that along with our transition to Greenville – three years ago this month – there was a definitive phasing out for me from the minismith blog world.

Some times I’m sad about this, other times I don’t miss it a bit. I do love writing, but I also love relating…which seems to happen more authentically for me when done face-to-face vs. computer screen-to-computer screen. Not that there aren’t amazing benefits to the technological era. I’ve been able to keep up with friends across the globe, through the various seasons in my life, and make new ones that I may never officially “meet”. This is both a beauty…and a curse, as other young moms will testify.

It’s much easier to stay busy with our kids & duties than to stay authentic and real. Being the introvert I am, I’d much rather have a lot of superficial, “easy” friendships, which technology caters to, than have to push myself into the deeper, rockier, more conflict-prone friendships of actually doing life together.

Maybe soon I’ll be able to juggle both again – the internet world and the real world. But being honest with where I’m at right in this very moment of life, the real world takes up about every ounce of energy I have to spare.

That being said, with our adoption story being as wild and wooly as it’s been the past year, I’d love to be able to document it a little bit more here on minismith, so we’ll see if the opportunity arises to do so in the coming weeks.

We’ll be launching our website some time this week for our upcoming Night for Adoption, on October 22nd that we’ll be hosting, so stay tuned!

But a brief catch-up of the past 4 months…

Summer flew by. The boys have grown up more than I can bear.

We LIVED in our pool and Brighton officially learned to swim by himself.

Brighton turned 5. Wait, I have a FIVE YEAR OLD?!? What, really???

The boys started preschool :*( Sniff.

We have loved every minute of having my parents home from London on furlough. The boys are not going to know what to do when their two greatest new fans leave next spring.

And, last, but not least…Matthew and I spent a glorious week in Oslo, Norway for a web conference he was speaking at. Pictures to drool over here.

So that’s it. Maybe I’ll just stick with these tri-annual blog posts, they’re much easier to stomach for all involved :)

It’s been a pretty wild ride for our family this year. Some public loss – such as losing our baby at 9 weeks – and some more private. But through it all, it has been the year of learning to not just keep wading through hit after hit, but fighting to get to that waterfall of Christ’s love for us over and over and over. We’ll never get filled up this side of heaven. And we’ll become fairly dry, cracked and bleeding if we don’t keep standing under those roaring waters.

The past few months have involved mourning, praying, asking, laughing and just enjoying the ever sweetening depth Jesus is taking our little family to.

My own heart has been all over the map. Wondering what being a family looks like. What the call Jesus has given me to mother looks like. What I do with the pain in my heart over losing a child. How I reconcile that with our ever-growing desire to adopt. The wrestling has not been easy. My heart, for a good long while, has felt torn. But we asked, and He answered. He reignited the call on Matthew’s heart and then fiercely set the fire on my own, to once again begin the process of adoption.

I can’t begin to say I understand why God brought a baby into our lives in December only to take them away early February. Right in the middle of our adoption process. The confusion and stirring that brought into my heart was dizzying. And so we’ve waited. Wanting time to heal and time to be led by Christ instead of jumping into the next thing.

Yet one invaluable thing stands out through that experience, the mark we now wear as a family. Finding ourselves face to face with the cruel terrifying monster of loss, battling that beast and surviving, but not coming out unscathed. We are a family that now joins thousands of other families that bear the mark of loss.

That very viscerally includes the hundreds of thousands of birth mothers all over the world. Who, whether circumstantially or by choice, will forever bear the mark of losing a child. Whether their hearts are alive to feel that tearing or whether life has left them too deadened to experience that level of pain, they are losing a child. They did carry that child for 9 months to say goodbye. And no matter what the argument is in that specific situation, the mark of loss is inflicted on that woman’s heart for their lifetime, another tragic result of the fall.

No, Jesus did not bring a baby into our lives for 2 short months to “teach us a lesson”. But through the pain, this is a golden thread that I praise him for. That He is now taking our family into this process of adoption as a different family. That we do not entered it to blindly gain another child. That there is mourning to be faced. For the birth mother. For the child some day. For yet another example that this is not how life was intended to be. But there is simultaneously great, great beauty…more stunning than I had previously seen.

That I myself was birthed into a fallen world. That in my terrified, beastly state, I had an adoring Father who scooped me up and declared me beautiful and captivating to his heart. Who gave up the life of his very own son to claim me as His eternally.

As a family, we long to view ourselves less and less in this life as Jesus’ “legally adopted kids” and begin to see ourselves through the true gospel lens of just being his kids, all legalities aside. We don’t really get that yet. We want to, but we’re so tempted in this life to still feel orphaned. Like we’re sort of wanted, sort of annoying at times. Not that we’re worthy of having anyone actually DIE for us. But He did. And so we want to…for all our children. However they are “birthed” into our life. We want a kingdom perspective. About family. About children. About our “full rights as sons” Gal.4:5.

So if you do anything, PRAY FOR US! For God to keep working on our hearts so resistant to his love, for the woman who is carrying our child and the decisions she is facing, for minismith #3, for the finances necessary in this very fallen system, and for joy as we walk through this exciting and labor-intensive process.

Many of you have asked, so on a logistical note: we are pursuing domestic adoption of a trans-racial child. This is a story I will write about soon and how He brought us to this decision. Briefly, the statistics are staggering. The costs to adopt a Caucasian baby are double, DOUBLE, the cost of adopting an African American child. Not looking at the money, but what lies behind that fact, there is something terribly sad and consumeristic about that reality. 

A book that has been hugely influential for us, that we’re going to “demand” (ha, ha…only mildly so) that our family and close friends, who’ll be in this child’s life, read is “Adopted for Life” by Russell D. Moore.

As I was settling down for a quick nap before a pre-house-showing cleaning frenzy, I began thinking back over the past 30 days. Amazed and thankful for the ways Jesus has held on to my heart and sanity through a pretty wild month of upheaval.

Did I ever tell you the story of our Dream Anniversary Getaway from Hell? No, I think that one slipped my mind amidst the flurry of Christmas, family visits and finding out a new baby was cookin’ itself up inside me.

About a month ago, we were at our favorite little inn atop a cozy residential mountain outside of Asheville celebrating Year #6. The best one yet. Only one other couple shared the premises with us for the inn’s closing weekend of the season. I remember lying by the fire with Matthew, with our bellies full of an insanely good meal, telling him this all just seemed too eerily good to be true.

12 hours later, morning of our departure, we woke up to this.

Okay, no big deal. Just a tiny bit of snow. Nothing a Colorado-born-n-bred man can’t manage. Matthew went out to load up our bags, having fun sliding around, enjoying his dearly missed snow. I finished my pile of waffles, warm cup of coffee and favorite book by the fire. All is good. We’ll be home in no time.

A few hours later. I started getting a liiiittle bit nervous. The other couple was finally awake, so we all went out to help salt (with bare hands, ouch) the 70 degree incline of a driveway. Since 2WD cars, both with bald tires, do not mix very well with ice and snow. The other girl and I were still laughing, taking pictures as we salted and generally unconcerned about any real chance of being stuck.

Ha, ha. Happy! Pretty snow! This is fun! Right? RIGHT???

Yet, after both of us trying and failing to get up the side of the mountain to at least arrive at the main road, the mood changed. At one point, Matthew was driving our car while the other couple and I were jumping on the back of our lame 2WD bumper trying to give it some traction. To one side was the straight up mountain, to the other was the straight down drop off. No guard rails, no foot worth of room. Inches. INCHES, people. The guy told me if the car spun out and started sliding down the mountain to jump off and tuck my head in case the car rolled on top of me. Um, excuse me while I puke over here to the side out of PURE HYSTERIA.

Do you SEE that drop off?? And that was after some rain created the sludge. Post-snow-covered-icy mess.

That’s when I knew it was time to panic. But one does not have that luxury in moments like these. Moments later we went into another ditch…

…then all five of us stood around looking at gravely at each other. Would we be stuck here for days before someone was able to come get us? Would our kids at home freak out with their parents MIA the week before Christmas? Was there enough food in the inn for all of us for that week?

God was gracious and stopped the snow for a brief 30 min, bringing rain that mysteriously turned the snow to slush. We quickly salted, shovelled and hauled our big 2WD SUV’s up the driveway. Hurray!

Only to find out the top of the mountain was worse. Boo. Phone calls were made, tire chains were brought up. Tire chains that did not fit. So we were forced to slip and slide down the guardrailess mountain. Spinning out and having too many close calls to mention. Thinking the whole way, “If we just get to they highway, things will be clear. Asheville isn’t supposed to start getting snow til noon.”

Wrong.

Asheville wasn’t supposed to start getting snow til noon, but by noon I-25 was a mess. We almost didn’t make it up the on-ramp. Hours in, we’d only made it a few miles. Tractor trailers had jack-knifed blocking the road. We stared at this bridge for hours (quite pretty, no?) before we decided to turn around and get a hotel.

Only to have our car stuck in the hotel entrance…along with a few others. Within the hour, all the rooms were full. Matthew hiked through the snow to a grocery store down the way and came back with an Ingles feast.

We were all wondering when and if the roads would be cleared. By morning, the news still reported no roads were cleared, everything was a mess…basically, that there was no way out. I felt my stomach drop. I just wanted to be back home with my boys :( The sunrise was at least a much welcomed sight after hours and hours of endless snowfall.

Matthew went to check on the condition of our car. To “by chance” (ha!) find we were stuck at a hotel right next to a fire station. Full of firemen with orders not to help citizens, but to stay on call for emergencies. But these firemen kindly offered to “discreetly” pull our car out of the ditch. After which we decided to take the risk to at least make it onto the highway. We prayed, then M plowed through a pile of snow to the on-ramp. And it was clear! One tiny trail had been blazed on I-25 around all the hundreds of stranded vehicles. We slowly crept along for 30 minutes until the altitude diminished and the snow completely disappeared. We were finally, finally on our way home.

Good thing I was with an Eagle Scout for that harrowing ordeal, who was prepared with a VITAL survival supply…

Pens. You know, for writing a letter of indignation to the SC governor for SDOT’s lack of preparedness. Or for eating…in cases of extreme hunger. Or for stabbing out the eyes of highway looters attempting to get in your stalled out car. Or building a snow shelter.

Being southern girl, I myself was prepared as well with good ol’ Southern Snow “Boots”.

Sock, trash bag, sock, trash bag. No sludgy, cold feet for me.

So that was the week before Christmas.

Week of Christmas, we have a wild, fun time with my family. We find out our home study is almost complete, just waiting on paperwork. We can’t believe within a few weeks, we’ll have our adoption applications and family profiles in the mail.

Week after Christmas, I begin to feel insanely tired and mildly queasy. Umm. Post-Christmas blues?? Then a certain female 28-day occurance doesn’t occur. On a whim, I pulled out a spare one of these shoved in the back of the medicine closet.

Surprise, surprise (as is always the case for us Smiths)!

As overjoyed as we were with our growing family, there was still a sense of sadness that the path we were on was being diverted for a season. Our hearts weren’t just bursting for a bigger family, but specifically for adoption. And as we let that go, knowing there will be a time and a season for that, we were able to embrace the delight and joy of this little life GOD had planned, before we were even a family, to offer to us. Little minismith #3. We had no idea how you would arrive, but we are more than thrilled to meet you come September.

A few weeks later, as the long winter days set in and the boys energy levels exploded, our 950 square foot home began to feel tinier and tinier. We began to wonder if we were crazy to attempt to run a 5 person family in a 2 bedroom, 1 bath home. People do it all the time all over the world, right? So we did something wild and crazy that we’ve rarely done in making decisions like this. We stopped, waited and prayed. Sad, I know. This should be our M.O. And we’ve been praying these past few months that it would be.

He really does lead us. We decided to put our cute little house on the market. The house that has offered us so much healing and has been the resting place to find new joy in each other and in Christ. We love her. But we know it’s time to part ways. And get serious about this family He is putting on our hearts to grow.

So this has been our past month. A month that has been a little crazier than expected. But hasn’t failed to offer us a place to rest in the swirl of changes. Thank you Jesus for keeping us nestled up tightly with you. It’s pretty scary any other way.

Well, once again, I invite you faithful blog readers to recall a few reoccurring themes in the lives of the Smith family over the past few years…

1. Amy does not like change. This has been evident in all sorts of events – marriage, motherhood, moving. Often, but not always, involving “m” words.

2. God knows Amy does not like change and wants to set Amy free of certain idolatries revolving around safety, comfort, and “the known”. Therefore…

3. Amy makes plans. God changes those plans.

4. Amy learns YET AGAIN that she has a faithful, adoring Father she can lean into when said plans are changed and trust YET AGAIN that He is good, ALL THE TIME.

As I shared a few weeks ago, this past fall Matthew and I had prayerfully decided to begin pursuing adoption. Through a surprise turn of events, God had been stretching our hearts and calling us into his vision of adoption. We were thrilled. We shelled out our first big bucks, completed our home study in record time, and were knee-deep in adoption grants and the beginning stages of our application packets these past few weeks. We were now officially on the path to meet little minismith #3.

Little did we know our newest minismith would be arriving by means we weren’t quite expecting.

The third member of our troop will be joining our family sometime mid-September via me. Yes, I am pregnant, folks. Precautions taken, yet God stepping in and changing things up a bit. And we’re okay with that. More than okay, we’re THRILLED! It was an adjustment in our hearts, yes, but our family is growing…just what we were asking Him for.

So for now, the home study is tucked away for future updates. Applications are on hold. We continue to pray for this adoption movement to grow in the church. And I’m settling in to the surprising fact that I am once again a pregnant (and very tired, hello 8pm bedtimes) mama. And thanking Jesus for this little life He’s given us.

A new pregnancy in this very new season of our lives.