faith like a child

With their upcoming move, my mom has been dejunking our home and, in the process, uncovering relics of our past. One being a prayer journal my dad gave me upon joining the church when I was 8 years old.

Here are some excerpts, written in their original format. Too hilarious to keep to myself….

January 2, 1988 (8 years old)
Dear. Lord. Thank you that I could have time to Be with you by myself. I Love you. Please help us to have a good last day with Mom and Dad and Johnny and Callie. in your name. Amen.

March 16, 1988
Dear, Jesus, Thank you for Lord. I love you. Thank you for this Day. I Loved it. We got 15 mins. off school. It was sunny. And we went to the park. I got a ball instead of a snickers bar. You eat a snickers bar and its gone. But a ball you can play with forever. Well, Thank you for to Day! Again, I love you!! Amen.

April 12, 1990
Dear Heavenly Father, Last Sunday, April 11, i know you were with me. I had a wonderful feeling that you loved me so much. Maybe its because our play we did. You are so special to me. I want to always have that feeling of love with you. In Jesus Name. Amen.

April 16, 1988
Dear Lord, Help me to be nicer to Johnny and callie. Thank you for today. Help me to write to you more often. I love you! Amy Hall

December 18, 1988
Dear. Lord. Thank you that me and Johnny joined the church. Thank you for giveing me an opportunity to tell people about you. Please help me not to be scared to tell people about you. In Jesus name. Amen.

December 19, 1988
Dear, Lord. Please help me on my program tonight. And please don’t let my throat hurt when I’m saying my part. I love you. Amen.

December 23, 1988
Dear, Lord, Please help mommy to be in a better temper. If I did something wrong please forgive me. And please help Bobby Femster because he had his jaw broken and it will be wired shut for 6 weeks. And please help Chris Roberts to be fully recovered. In Jesus name, Amen. I love you Lord!!

In the back of my journal, I started a list of things I wanted to “Rember to pray about”, as I put it. The list went as follows:

1. Jesus please help me to find someone to tell about you.
2. Jesus help Callie and me do better about cleaning our room.

3. Jesus help me to have more love for Jesus.

Following the list I had sketches that I should scan in because they’re pretty hilarious, but I’m too lazy this afternoon. One says “Jesus is like a bunch of flowers” with flowers drawn around the words. And the other says “Jesus is our star”, surrounded by my own 8 year old version of a starry night. The best is a frightening depiction of a tired, looking Jesus bursting out of the tomb, with the words written above, “hes, the, CHAMPION!!!”.

Wow.

Now Matthew and I often laugh about the differences of our upbringings – mine as a pastor’s child and his as a kid who’d laugh at all the poor kids who had to waste their time going to church on Sunday’s while he and his family got to go a camping. We’d sarcastically joke about the entrenched cultural christianity I was apart of – all the songs I learned, cathechisms I memorized, christian schools I attended. We’d recognize the great benefits of this upbringing, but also the dangers of becoming another “christian clone” in the process.

But after I read this journal, I was humbled and slightly embarrassed by my sarcasm, as harmless as it was. I was blown away by the simplicity of these prayers, yet profound childlike adoration of this Lord I was coming to know at that young age. I was so thankful for the chance to begin to know Christ as a child. And reminded of the powerful call we’re offered by Christ, to have that “faith like a child”. To just let Him be our Father. Reading those prayers, I wonder when my relationship with Christ became so complicated. When I started feeling guilty if I hadn’t spent time with Him. When I started wondering whether I could just tell Him I loved Him even if I hadn’t “proved it” by been that great of a christian that day. Wondering when I stopped being thankful, such as simply thanking Him for the day, and instead only coming to Him to whine about my problems or needs.

It was not only beautiful to see His pursuit of my heart at such a young age, but also how He used those prayers again in my life to remind me it doesn’t have to be as complicated as I make it. I don’t have to get all my capitalization correct or eloquent phrases to pray in order…I can just come. And say, as quoted above, Dear, Jesus, Thank you for Lord. I love you. Thank you for this Day. I Loved it. You are so special to me. Again, I love you! Amen.